795 

75/5 
I 


UC-NRLF 


SB    273    317 


DEADM/    .'SROCK 


ode  and  Laughter 


GIFT   OF 
Class   of   1887 


The  Lure  of  Dead  Mans  Rock 

And  Other  Verses 


Life 

Logic 

Laughter 


By 
FRANK  R.  CONLEY 


Printed 

By 

HARR  WAGNER  PUBLISHING  CO. 

San  Francisco 

1916. 


Copyrighted 

1916 
Frank  R.  Conley 


\ 


DEDICATION. 

This  work  I  dedicate  to  you,  my  fellow-man,  as  an  effort 
to  smooth  a  portion  of  Life's  cloddy  trail,  e'er  we  wend 
towards  the  end.  If  this,  my  humble  effort,  will  inspire,  or 
have  an  influence  to  dispel  a  portion  of  Life's  dull  care,  my 
ambition  has  reached  its  highest  attainment. 


988243 


INDEX 


Success    7 

The  Lure  of  Dead  Man's  Rock 8-9-10 

When  You're  Down 

To    Kitty   12 

To   the    Girls 13 

You     13 

The  Call  of  the  Road 14-15 

Expensive    Gild    

Don't    Buck    15 

A    Borrowed    Tribulation 16-17 

When   You're   Hustling 17 

Don't    Wait    l7 

Reverie    lg-19 

Small  Talk  I9 

The    Harlot    20 

Don't    Ridicule    

The  Song  of  the  A.  B 22-23 

Memories    of    Youth 24 

Reflections    

Self   Pity  26 

Love's   Tragedy   

Price     

Time,    the    Healer 

Try    It   .. 

In  Memory  of  Jack  London.... 

Consolation    


Don't  Knock  29 

Favor  29 

Human  Flower  29 

Durante  Vita  30-31 

Life's  Game  31 

heerful  Thoughts  31 

The  Country  Store 32-33 

ove  Lyric  33 

The  Holdover  34-35 

Envy  Not  35 

Self-Esteem  36 

Social  37 

Silence  37 

Anger  37 

Trouble  38-39 

Be  a  Man 39 

Cove's  Letter  40 

After  All  40 

oy  41 

And  Gloom  41 

heerfusness  41 

Mature  42 

A  Kindly  Deed  43 

The  Day  of  Rest 43 

A  Wedding  Day  Tribulation 43 

His  Phantasm  44-45 

Live  Now  45 

Lend  a  Hand 46 

Manage  Right  46 

Smile  and  Grin....  46 


In  the  Park.... 
Life's   Wealth 

Equality     

Faded    Coat   .. 
Moral?   .. 


47 
48 
49 
49 
49 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


SUCCESS. 

Help  me  Oh,  Infinite  Power,  t   , 

To  assist  my  fellow  man,          »»J  ;Vj 

Grant  me  strength 

Peace  and  plenty  ^  ,  //,  \ 

To  extend  a  kindly  hand 

Where  all  misery,  stress  and  sorrow 

Where  his  plane  is  want  and  woe 

Hear  my  plea,  Oh,  great  intelligence 

Let  me  aid  them,  ere  I  go. 


THE  LURE  OF  DEAD  MAN'S  ROCK. 
A  fog  was  driving  and  swirling  in  through  the  Golden 

Gate, 
As   I    took   my   way   to   "Dead   Man's   Rock,"   alone   to 

commune  with   Fate, 
My  heart  was  sad  and  aching  for  the  things  that  might 

have  been, 
And  I  hoped  for  consolation,  in  the  breakers  thundering 

din. 

But   their   mighty   voices   filled   me   with   a   dread   fore 
boding  ill, 

And  the  spray  that  should  have  comforted,  my  marrow 
seemed  to  chill, 

They   fairly  overwhelmed   me   for   they  seemed   to   say 
to  me, 

The  only  peace  in  all  this  world  is  the  bosom  of  the 
sea. 

8 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

I  drew  closer  to  the  rugged  edge  better  to  hear  their 

moan, 
When   above   the   din   and   the   dripping   spray   came   a 

sound — a  human  groan, 
It  pierced  me  like  a  two-edged  knife,  it  burned  like  a 

scorching  flame, 
And  I  drew  far  out  on  that  crumbling  ledge  and  saw 

from  whence  it  came. 


There  on  the  rocks  below  me,  lay  a  battered,  bleeding 

heap, 
That  had  felt  the  call  of  the  luring  waves  and  sought 

for  rest  in  their  deep, 
But   her  strength   had   failed   in   the   effort   to   end   her 

worldly  care, 
And  just  beyond   reach   of  that  promised   rest  she  lay 

broken  and  suffering  there. 


I    forgot    my    cares    in    a    moment,    no    longer    was    I 

afraid, 
The    only    thought    that    rilled    me    was    a    thought    to 

render  aid, 
I  worked  my  way  o'er  the  cliff  where  the  spray  beat 

down  like  rain, 
I  only    thought    of    the    one    below,    the    woman    who 

groaned  in  pain. 

By  the  aid  of  the  Power  Almighty,  I  reached  the  spot 

where  she  lay, 
But  her  moans  had  ceased,  and  the  broken  form  seemed 

only  a  heap  of  clay, 
Then  her  blue  eyes  slowly  opened  and  I  knelt  to  catch 

a  word, 
And  above  the   din   of  the   ocean   her   trembling  voice 

I  heard. 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

"O,   Brother,  of  my  flesh  and  blood,   I   ask  in  Christ's 

dear  name, 
That    you    will    help    these    goodly    waves    my    broken 

body   claim, 
I  am  sick  of  this  world  and  its  folly,  I  am  sick  of  its  sin 

and  woe, 
And    I    long    to    go    to    my    Maker,    O    Brother!    help 

me  go! 

She  ceased  to  speak,  but  her  pleading  eyes  they  pierced 

me  through  and  through 
I   glanced   again   at   her   broken   form,   and   did   as   she 

bade  me  do, 
And  as  her  body  sank  from   sight  'neath  the  crest  of 

a   mighty   wave, 
I  felt  she  had  found  a  wondrous  rest  in  that  cold  and 

briny   grave. 

But  when   I   stopped  and   began   to  think,   I   trembled, 

half  afraid, 
For  I   wondered  if  Almighty   God,   would  sanction  the 

part  I  had  played, 
So  I  knelt  and  prayed,  as  best  I  could,  there  on  that 

dripping    stone, 
I  asked  for  peace  for  the  woman's  soul,  and  mercy  on 

my  own. 

And  as  I  prayed,  the  thundering  waves  for  a  moment 

seemed  to  lull, 
And  through  that  blinding  bank  of  fog  sailed  a  beautiful 

snow  white  gull, 

A  feeling  of  peace  came  unto  me  as  plaintively  it  cried, 
For  I  felt  that  God  in  his  mercy,  my  deed  had  justified. 
[Great  are  the  number  of  tired  souls  who  pass  into  oblivion 
yearly  at  this  Rock,  Dead  Man's,  Land  End,  Golden  Gate,  San 
Francisco,  Cal.] 

10 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


WHEN  YOU'RE  DOWN. 

When  you're  broke  and  up  against  it 
And  you  can't  scrape  up  a  sou 
When  you  hike  o'er  all  creation 
Without  a  bite  to  chew, 
When  you're  sick  at  heart  and  weary 
And  all  slack  fades  off  your  chin, 
Just  muster  up  your  metal 
And  grin  it  back  again. 

When  you  try  without  a  falter 
And  you  miss  a  time  or  two, 
When  dismay  and  useless  worry 
Seems  to  have  the  best  of  you. 
When  everything  seems  dreary 
And  you  think  it  not  worth  while 
Just  try  and  view  the  brighter  side 
And  cheer  up  with  a  smile. 

When  the  winter  winds  are  crimpy 
And  your  summer  clothes  are  thin 
When  your  shoes  are  naught  but  uppers 
And  the  damp  is  seeping  in, 
When  foreboding  facts  are  telling 
Hearken  not,  their  wailing  call, 
But  gladden  with  a  happy  thought 
Just  smile  and  face  it  all. 

If  you   have  your   health   and   freedom, 
With  a  blessing  which  is  Life, 
If  you  view  all  things  of  beauty 
Which  are  void  of  worldly  strife, 
If  you  bless  all  Nature's  glory 
Which  surrounds  you  near  and  far, 
You  will  live  your  life  serenely 
And  naught  on  earth  can  mar. 


11 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


TO  KITTY. 

All  blessings,   the  dearest   and   best, 
All  beauty,  all  grand,  all  blest, 
All  holy,  all  glory,  all  good, 
Is  your  pure  and  sweet  womanhood. 


12 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


TO  THE  GIRLS 

Discard  your  frown,  dear  girlie, 
Let  worry  all  flitter  from  thee, 
Be  sweet,  be  cheerful,  and  happy, 
And  your  smile  will  kidnap  the  bee. 

As  a  girl  who  ever  is  smiling, 
Will  attract  a  beau  to  her  side, 
Like  a  magnet,  she  ever  can  hold  him, 
If  her  smile  is  winsome  and  wide. 

Live  ever  with  Joy  and  a  sunshine 
And  don't  wear  your  face  in  a  gloom, 
As  I  understand  and  most  every  man, 
All  beauty  of  blossom  is  bloom. 

Now  girls,  if  you  follow  this   logic, 
If  you  side  track  all  worry  and  gloom, 
You  will  find  your  chance  is  a  wonder, 
To  capture  and  hold  him  till  doom. 


YOU. 

Just  try  a  chat  with  you, 

And  ask  thee  a  question  or  two, 

When  you  think  about  life, 

And  each  daily  strife, 

The  trouble,  which  maybe  is  you. 

Whene'er  you  feel  glum, 

And  trouble  has  come, 

Just  wonder,  and  wonder  to  thee, 

If  much  of  your  life 

Could  be  ridden  of  strife, 

If  you  figure  and  analyze  me. 


13 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


THE  CALL  OF  THE  ROAD. 

When  Spring  is  here  and  spreading  all  her  glories  o'er 

the  land, 
And    you    feel    something   acalling,    just    get   wise    and 

understand, 
"Tis  the  voice  of  Mother  Nature  asking  you  to  shake 

the  load, 
And  to  beat  it  for  the  highway,  and  to  hit  the  open 

road. 

You  can  hear  the  screaming  whistle,  as  the  flyer  leaves 

the  yard, 
She   is   bound  for  somewhere  eastward,   I   am   on   that 

flyer,  Pard, 

No !  I  didn't  buy  no  ticket,  as  this  way  is  best  to  blow, 
With  all  stop  over  privilege,  just  suits  a  care-free  Bo. 

The  job  I  left  in  'Frisco  would  have  last  until  the  Fall, 
But  I  quit  the  very  minute  the  road  began  to  call ; 
I  bunched  all  work  and  worry,  and  slackened  on  the  load 
To  be  once  again  a  pilgrim,  out  up  on  the  open  road. 
Sometimes    we're    nearly    worried    by    the    corporation 

slave, 

Who  just  keeps  on  atoiling  till  he's  planted  in  his  grave, 
But  we  smile  at  all  misfortunes,  when  ditched  from  off 

a  train, 
We  garbage  up  and  take  a  blow,  till  on  our  way  again. 

Again  we  aroused  from  slumber  by  some  village  Sher 
lock  Holmes, 

And  warned  by  Moral  Judges,  with  a  small  town  shiny 
dome, 

Who  say  we  have  no  legal  rights,  and  onward  we  can  go 

To  somewhere  else,  Oh,  never  mind,  cares  not  the 
happy  Bo. 

14 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

When  e'er  you  see  a  happy  Bo,  pass  through  your  own 

home  town, 
There  is  motive  in  his  madness,  and  he  cares  not  whence 

he's  bound, 
But  often  if  you'll  heed  him,  he  will  spring  old  Nature's 

logic, 
That  lines  of  least  resistance  are  void  of  Mental  Colic. 


EXPENSIVE  GILD. 

When  you  view  the  rich  who  flitter, 
Swiftly  pass  in  big  machines, 

Envy  not  their  well-paid  passage — 
Gild  is  seldom  what  it  seems. 

They  must  pay  for  all  Life's  frolic ; 

Tone  of  worry  is  their  price. 
Cease  to  envy,  oh !  my  brother, 

Nature  damns  their  avarice. 


DON'T  BUCK. 

Whene'er  you  play  a  game  of  chance, 

And  your  luck  is  quite  ungainful, 
Quit  until  another  day, 

Dame  Fortune  Gods  are  changeful. 
If  your  stakes  are  swiftly  fading 

And  the  other's  bank  is  high, 
Then  you  have  no  chance  whatever — 

Quickly  tell  the  game  good-bye. 
You  will  find  'tis  ever  certain, 

When  you  buck  another's  game, 
You  will  lose  your  kale  and  reason — 

If  you  play,  you  are  insane. 


15 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


A  BORROWED  TRIBULATION. 

Farmer  Jones  was  optimistic,  his  smile  had  won  renown, 
As   he  would   shout  a  loud   Hello!  at  home  or  in   the 

town. 

Whether  in  the  winter  storms,  or  in  the  summer  sun, 
He  was  a  killer  of  old  gloom  with  his  bazoo  of  fun. 

Now  folks  all  say  he's  changing,  and  he  has  a  look  of 

care, 
And  now  he  spreads  a  lot  of  gloom  around  most  here 

and  there. 

It's  because  he  made  a  dicker  and  traded  off  his  team 
To  a  slicker  from  the  city  for  a  gee'd  up  auto-chine. 

Everything  went  lovely  for  about  a  week  or  two; 
When  plugging  home  one  evening  the   dog-gone   front 

tire  blew, 

And  he  up  and  had  to  hoof  it.   It  made  him  boil  with  ire 
Because  the  city  feller  hadn't  told  him  'bout  the  tire. 

And  when  he  lost  the  axle,  and  he  broke  the  steering 

gear, 

And  he  blew  an  inner  tube,  which  was  awful,  awful  dear. 
But  again  he  got  her  started — she  died  on  the  railroad 

track, 
And  he  couldn't  budge  her  forward,  or  he  couldn't  budge 

her  back. 

He  pulled  and  then  he  struggled,  then  madly  spun  the 

crank, 

And  then  an  idea  happened — no  gas  was  in  the  tank. 
When  he  heard  the  tootin'  whistle  of  the  local  overdue, 
He  stepped  back   with   a  quiet   dam   and   let   the   local 

through. 


16 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

Neighbor  Jones  is  now  asmiling,  his  glee  is  same  as  old, 
Tis  when  he  drives  to  market  his  laugh   is  loud,   I'm 

told. 

And  if  you  look  for  bargains,  just  ask  him  'bout  his  car, 
And   all   his   gloom   will   stir   again   and   give   his   smile 

a  jar. 


WHEN  YOU'RE  HUSTLING. 

When  out  for  a  job,  keep  cheerful  and  plod 

Over  each  clod  of  a  doubt; 
Keep  a  stiff  upper  lip  and  hold  with  a  grip 

Your  nerve  will  help  you  win  out. 

It  will  boost  you  a  lot  if  you  gird  to  the  plot, 
And  cling  to  your  courage  and  zeal. 

If  you  say  with  a  grin,  I  surely  shall  win, 
Then  you're  made  of  metal  that's  real. 


DON'T  WAIL. 

There  are  some  on  this  big  planet 

Who  spread  naught  else  but  gloom; 
They  wail  all  pessimistic  gab 

From  morning  until  noon. 
They  sing  aloud  all  bitter  grief, 

And  misery  is  their  name; 
If  whom  is  thus  could  hear  their  fuss, 

They  would  bloom  out  in  shame. 


17 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


REVERIE. 

As  I  stand  on  Market  street, 
Hasty  humans  pass  and  fleet, 
And  I  ponder  how  this  throng 
Live  and  eat  and  get  along. 
Countless  laste  in  endless  bunches, 
Rushing,  maybe,  to  their  lunches; 
What  a  hoard  of  different  faces, 
Mostly  all  of  different  races; 
Steady  is  this  tide  of  woe, 
Pass  me,  and  I  wonder  so. 

I  now  can  see  the  lame  and  cripple, 
Now  a  maiden  sweet  and  flckle, 
Then  a  layman  of  the  race, 
Now  a  winsome,  girlish  grace ; 
And  a  fellow  on  the  bum, 
Faster,  faster,  others  come ; 
Now  a  has-been  chances  by, 
I  can  only  gasp  and  sigh, 
Why  are  all  these  faces  there, 
Flitter  pass  me,  as  I  stare? 

I  see  many  who  are  wealthy, 
And  I  notice  they're  unhealthy, 
Young  and  foolish,  old  and  gray, 
In  this  tide  on  Market  way. 
Such  an  endless,  mad-like  throng, 
Passing,  crowding,  moving  on, 
Scheming,  planning  all  the  time, 
Chasing  dollars,  song  and  wine, 
Living,  breathing,  rushing  past, 
And  I  ponder,  mad  this  class. 


18 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

Noise  and  clanking  of  car  bells, 
Extra!  Extra!  newsies'  yells; 
Now  a  bursting  auto  tire 
Stirs  my  soul  to  bitter  ire. 
Now  the  wind  is  blowing,  gee ! 
And  all  eyes  are  strained  to  see 
Beauty  of  the  legs,  "O,  Gee!" 
Now  the  sun  is  sinking  yonder, 
I  must  come  from  out  my  ponder, 
Coffee  and,  and  I  must  eat, 
And  I  fade  from  Market  street. 


SMALL   TALK. 

Idle  gossip  is  quite  a  waste, 
And  you  will  find  this  true, 

So  take  a  tip  and  think  a  bit 
E'er  you  gab  and  chew. 

As  often  times  a  noisy  bird 
Will  sing  and  sing  away, 

And  hawk  is  ever  waiting 
On  foolish  bird  to  prey. 

I  have  heard  some  noisy  people 
Stand  and  chatter  silly  bunk, 

And  in  disgust  I  felt  such  fuss 
Should  go  its  way  as  junk. 


19 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


THE  HARLOT. 

I  am  a  human  derelict, 

I  float,  I  drift,  forsaken; 
I  am  a  victim  of  man's  lust — 

My  soul  for  gold  is  taken. 

All  who  come,  and  all  who  go, 
Can  face  the  world  untainted, 

But  I  in  shame  must  e'er  remain 
In  degredation  painted. 

All  social  laws  have  open  flaws, 
And  we  alone  are  smitten, 

And  ever  blamed  in  open  shame — 
No  lustful  creed  is  written. 

Man's  creed  is  might  and  ever  right, 

'Tis  we  who  earn  bare  living, 
But  ever  yield  in  social  field 
'Neath  ban  of  Fate's  misgiving. 

My  lot  of  all,  'tis  bitter  gall, 
'Twas  women's  idle  slander, 
When  baby  died  all  loudly  cried 
My  sin  in  gossip's  bander. 

'Tis  every  day,  in  each  life's  play, 
You'll  find  each  in  good  reason. 

Why  blame  a  life  of  shameful  strife, 
Because  of  some  man's  treason? 


20 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


DON'T  RIDICULE. 

When  a  man  looseth  his  money, 
He  will  often  laugh  at  the  fun; 

When  a  man  looseth  his  temper, 

He  will  hunt  low  and  high  for  a  gun. 

When  he  works  in  a  shop 

Where  it  stinks  and  'tis  hot, 

There  is  naught  a  gag  to  these  ills; 

But  there  is  one  thing 

Your  laugh  with  a  sting 

Will  dishearten  him  and  kill. 


TRY. 

Grab  and  hold  to  high  ambition 

With  a  firm  and  steel-trap  grip, 
When  you  feel  your  effort  failing, 
Don't  pay  heed  to  failure's  slip. 
If  you  wish  to  reach  the  summit, 
^  You  must  grin,  and  not  say  die — 
Gird  your  idea  to  your  courage, 
And  you'll  get  there  if  you  try. 


21 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


THE  SONG  OF  THE  A.  B. 

Yo,  ho,  for  the  navy  and  briney, 

The  beans,  the  corned  beef  and  stew ; 

When  the  duff  is  thin  in  the  pudding, 
'Tis  best  for  the  gobs  of  the  blue. 

Hi,  ho,  for  the  call  of  the  bugle, 
To  spread  first  mess  of  the  chow; 

Hurrah  for  a  ration  of  plenty, 
When  mates  are  sick  in  the  bow. 

Yo,  ho,  for  the  crew  of  the  gallant, 
Of  the  topmast  when  reefing  in  sail, 

And  lo  for  the  lubber  who  shaketh 
When  aloft  are  nervous  and  pale. 

Hurrah  for  the  skipper  and  boatswain, 
Who  rave  when  clearing  port; 

Hi,  lo,  for  the  joy  of  the  sailing 
After  landing  and  playing  the  sport. 

Oh,  joy,  for  the  balm  of  the  ocean, 
When  the  dome  is  throbbing  in  pain, 

When  aboard  for  a  week  or  fortnight, 
Till  we  land,  and  sick  up  again. 

Yo,  ho,  for  a  seafaring  skipper, 

Who  sticks  on  deck  with  the  crew, 

And  to  hell  with  a  pifle  commander 
Who  cannot  gaff  some  of  the  stew. 

Hi,  lo,  for  the  life  on  the  briny, 

When  a  skipper  is  damned  like  a  dog, 

And  hell  is  best  for  a  seaman 

When  the  Cap  is  feeling  his  grog. 


22 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

Hurrah  for  the  cruise  of  the  Mystic, 
To  China  and  Philippine  Isles, 

Hong  Kong  for  yellow  she-devils, 
Shanghai  for  the  Japanese  smiles. 

Hurrah  for  the  hula  and  dancer, 
And  each  little  move  is  a  dream, 

After  weeks  of  salty  mid  ocean, 
Oh,  joy,  what  a  beautiful  scene! 

Yo,  ho,  for  the  dust  of  the  ocean, 
Tis  the  joy  of  seagoing  crews ; 

The  smell  of  seaports'  corruption 
Will  sicken  and  give  him  the  blues. 

Hurrah  for  our  modern  new  navy, 
May  never  our  colors  go  down; 

We  wish  our  best  to  all  others — 

The  yellow,  the  white  and  the  brown, 

My  song  and  ballad  is  over, 

'Tis  best  of  luck,  sailor  lad ; 
Stay  and  honor  Old  Glory  forever, 

She's  best  in  the  lot  to  be  had. 


23 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

MEMORIES  OF  YOUTH. 

How  well  do  I  remember  the  ranch  where  I  was  born, 
Also  those  happy  days  we  woke  early  in  the  morn; 
Dad  milked  a  dozen  cows  or  more,  and  "gee'  how  he 

would  swear 
When  Bess  would  switch  her  tail  around  and  fill  the 

pail  with  hair. 

How  well  do  I  remember  our  proud  old  Plymouth  cock 
His  shrill  would  clamor  out  at  4  as  regular  as  a  clock. 
Those   boyhood    days    down    on    the    farm,    oftimes    we 

woke  too  soon, 
We'd  feed  and  harness  up  the  mules  in  the  pale  glim  oi 

the  moon. 

I   remember  back  those  youthful   days,   we'd   haul   the 

fresh  cut  hay, 
And  the  music  of  the  dinner  horn,  and  how  old   Pete 

would  bray. 
It  was  when  the  heat  of  summer's  ray  would  ripe  the 

harvest  prime, 
How  dad  would  rave  and  roust  about  to  get  the  hay  in 

time. 

The  stock  and  mother's  chickens  were  most  our  joy  and 

pride, 
We'd  show  them  at  the  county  fair,  'twas  forty  miles  to 

ride. 

And  I  would  own  a  nickel,  to  squander  in  one  place — 
Poor  dad  would  never  grumble  when  I  spent  in  foolish 

haste. 

Those  blissful  boyhood  days  are  treasured  in  my  soul, 
And  mental  pleasures  I  enjoy  I  value  more  than  gold. 
'Tis  since  I  left  the  old  home  fortune  favored  all  my 

chance, 
With  love  I  still  remember  the  folks  down  on  the  ranch 

24 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 
REFLECTIONS. 

Your  compensation  of  a  favor  is  your  own  concep- 
m. 

Spite  is  mental  disease. 

An  unkind  word  is  never  worth  while. 

A  game  of  dead  loss  is  hate. 

Selfishness  is  an  unclever  exposure  of  the  inner  self. 

Worry  is  the  most  deadly  poison  known  to  science. 

Conceit  is  blissful  and  energetic  endeavor  of  ignor- 
ce. 

Envy  is  useless  waste  of  mental  vitality. 
25 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


SELF  PITY. 

Pity  in  itself  is  no  value, 

And  most  useless  to  all  man, 

The  most  damned  thought 

A  man  ever  wrought, 

Self  pity,  he  should  put  the  ban. 

You  can  size  them  up  in  this  instance, 

When  they  wail  and  cringe  about  self, 

Just  shake  him  and  drop  him  the  instant 

He  only  whimpers  in  stealth. 


LOVE'S   TRAGEDY. 

Dan  Cupid  one  day  in  a  threatening  way 

Aimed  at  me  his  love  poisoned  dart, 
But  I  dodged  just  a  bit  and  it  missed  me  and  hit 

My  best  friend  square  through  the  heart. 

Yes,  it  nailed  my  friend  Paul  tight  up  to  the  wall; 

Two  weeks  and  he  wed  the  brunette. 
Though  it  now  has  been  a  year,  she  still  calls  him  dear, 

And  say,  he  is  happy,  you  bet. 

When  next  Cupid's  dart  was  aimed  at  my  heart 

I  dodged  not,  but  stood  like  a  man. 
And,  well,  to  be  frank,  I  drew  out  a  blank, 

And  I've  wished  ever  since  I  had  ran. 

The  very  first  night  we  started  to  fight — 
She's  as  quarrelsome  and  mean  as  can  be. 

Though  it  now  does  no  good,  I  wish  I  had  stood 
And  let  that  first  arrow  hit  me. 


26 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


PRICE. 

Did  you  ever  stop  to  ponder 

About  the  price  you  have  to  pay, 
For  every  little  side  step 

From  the  straight  and  narrow  way ; 
How  every  gilded  pleasure 

Has  its  compensating  price; 
So  it's  best  to  stop  and  ponder 

E'er  you  throw  the  luring  dice. 

When  the  boys  are  clinking  glasses, 

With  a  whoop-um  up  to  you, 
And  are  getting  very  reckless 

On  the  old  Kentucky  dew, 
Think  not  only  of  the  pleasure, 

But  the  head  you'll  have  next  day; 
You  will  have  the  fun,  that's  certain, 

But  the  price  you'll  have  to  pay! 

If  you're  longing  for  a  girlie, 

With  a  bright  and  flashing  eye, 
And  your  inmost  soul  is  craving 

For  what  your  gold  will  buy, 
Just  weigh  things  in  the  balance, 

And  perhaps  the  scales  will  say 
That  the  momentary  pleasure 

Isn't  worth  the  price  you  pay. 

No  matter  what  the  game  is, 

Whether  women,  wine,  or  song, 
If  your  troubled  conscience  tells  you 

Of  the  danger  in  the  wrong, 
And  experience  has  not  taught  you, 

Then  take  a  fool's  advice — 
If  you  grab  the  fleeting  pleasure, 

You  must  also  pay  the  price. 


27 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


TIME,  THE  HEALER. 

When  the  storms  of  life  seem  dreary, 
The  clouds  are  dark  and  blue, 

It  is  well  to  ever  remember 
There  is  sunshine  yet  for  you. 

Time  will  change  all  present  sorrow, 
And  does  heal  all  wounds  of  woe; 

To  be  patient  for  God's  sunshine, 
'Tis  a  virtue  we  should  know. 


TRY  IT. 

At  times  when  you  are  sad  and  weary, 
And  your  mood  is  dreary  and  blue, 

Smile  with  the  glory  of  Nature, 
And  joy  will  come  unto  you. 


IN  MEMORY  OF  JACK  LONDON. 

Sleep 

Thou  Mortal  of  the  Pen 
Whose  thoughts  live  on 

Comfort 

Be  Thine,  where  Life  has  fled 
From  earth  and  Flesh. 

Rest 

May  Thou,  weary  Frame 
From  tire  of  Life's  last  clod 

Repose 

Immortal  Soul,  in  flight 
To  Eternity  and  God. 


28 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


CONSOLATION. 

When  you're  really  up  against  it, 

And  you're  hanging  around  the  park, 
When  your  chance  is  rather  gloomy, 

And  you're  kinder  sick  at  heart, 
Just  cheer  up  with  a  smile; 

When  you're  broke  and  sort  o'  blue, 
There  are  others  that  surround  you 

Who  are  up  against  it,  too. 


DON'T   KNOCK. 

Speak  not  an  evil  unkind  word 
Behind  your  neighbor's  back, 

The  hammer  of  a  knocker's  slam 
Rebounds  with  tenfold  whack. 


FAVOR. 

A  kindly  deed  is  ever  blest, 
'Tis  well  to  bear  in  mind, 
All  kindness  unto  fellowman 
Returns  in  future  time. 


HUMAN  FLOWERS. 

All  beauty  we  view  which  is  blest, 

A  mother  with  babe  on  her  breast, 

Godjs  gift  from  above, 

Such  flowers  to  love, 

The  dearest,  the  kindest  and  best. 


29 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


DURANTE  VITA. 

In  the  land  of  gay  Bohemia, 

San  Francisco,  we  will  say, 
Where  the  cafe  lights  are  bright 

And  the  crowds  are  glad  and  gay, 
There  I  met  a  winsome  girlie 

In  the  same  Bohemia  style, 
All  she  spoke  was  woe  and  sadness 

As  my  help  she  wished  to  wile. 

I  was  very  sympathetic 

And  did  wish  to  kindly  aid, 

And  I  listened  to  her  story 

About  the  room  rent  to  be  paid. 

I  grabbed  hook,  line  and  sinker, 
With  a  tear  drop  in  my  eye; 

Now  I  wish  that  I  could  reason 
How  sweetly  she  did  lie. 

She  told  of  a  little  girl 

With  curls  so  cute  and  brown, 
And  a  dark  and  vicious  villain, 

Who  was  husband,  out  of  town. 
I  could  barely  stay  my  weeping, 

When  her  twinkle  I  did  spy, 
But  she  finished  all  her  chatter, 

So  niftly  she  could  lie. 

Where  the  cafe's  lights  are  bright, 

And  the  fox  trot  is  the  style, 
The  girls  will  surely  kidnap 

Any  change  that's  running  wild. 
And  it's  best  to  stop  and  ponder, 

E'er  they  spring  their  tale  of  woe; 
Just  beg  pardon  in  a  jiffy 

And  take  powder  they  call  blow. 


30 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

This  moral  with  a  lesson 

Points  to  a  fact  or  so — 
The  girls  you  meet  'neath  cafe  lights 

Are  clever  chicks  who  know. 
All  suckers  and  live  lobsters 

Are  snared  in  many  ways, 
They  spread  their  nets  quite  cleverly 

For  suckers,  boobs  and  jays. 


LIFE'S  GAME. 

The  rich,  the  poor,  the  honest,  the  thief, 
All  play  the  cards  of  Love  and  Grief; 
When  the  deals  in  life  are  filled  with  bumps, 
Then  Death  deals  last  and  spades  is  trumps. 

So  take  each  trick  and  smile  away, 
And  scatter  sunshine  all  the  day, 
As  each  and  all  will  wan  and  fade, 
And  each  will  draw  an  ace — the  spade. 


CHEERFUL  THOUGHTS. 

When  you  wake  from  out  your  slumber, 
Grab  and  hold  a  cheerful  thought, 

Entertain  and  feel  it  ever, 

Cast  the  mold  as  iron  wrought. 

If  you  follow  this  example, 
\Vhen  you  first  begin  the  day, 

You  will  find  your  life  congenial 
If  you  strive  to  start  this  way. 


31 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


THE  COUNTRY  STORE. 

We  sit  around  the  country  store,  and  holler  'bout  hard 

times, 
And  talk  high  cost  of  living,  how  its  climbing  like  a 

Abe  Scroggins  howls  the  loudest,  and  he's  always  on  the 
floor,  ,  , 

While  the  hay  is  spiling  on  his  place,  he's  hanging  round 
the  store. 

And  there  is  old  man  Simson,  he's  generally  got  a  holler 
When  he's  raving  and  a-squawking  he  gits  hot  around 

the  collar; 
When  he's  kicking  about  the  hired  man,  a-shirkmg  and 

won't  work, 
And  he's  always  at  the  country  store  a-flirtmg  with  the 

clerk. 

And  there  is  young  Bud  Thomson,  a-pestering  for  his 
mail —  .« 

When  there  ain't  no  mail  for  'im  he  grumbles  out  a  wail. 

He's  been  asking  and  a-bothering,  the  past  two  years  o 
more,  .     « 

And  he  never  gets  a  letter,  yet  he  hangs   around 

store. 

There  is  old  man  Skinner,  he's  as  regler  as  the  clock, 
Awarming  up  a  keg-o-nails,  amongst  the  steady  flock ; 
He  always  chews  terbacker,  and  he  spits  out  through 

the  door,  , 

And  whittles  on  the   cracker  box  until   they   close 

store. 


32 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

There  is  our  country  trading  place,  you'll  find  a  girlish 

grace, 
She  attends  to  all  with  courtesy,  with  smiling,  blushing 

face; 
She  really  is  quite  winsome,  with  her  blue  and  roguish 

eyes — • 
They  swarm  around  the  country  store,  "Molasses  draws 

the  flies." 


A  LOVE  LYRIC. 

How,  dear  heart,  I  fondly  loved  you, 
When  your  lips  with  love  I  kissed, 

How  my  aching  heart  did  gladden 
When  I  knew  Life's  heavenly  bliss. 

You  returned  my  kiss  with  fervor, 
And  you  thrilled  my  lonely  soul; 

I  shall  love  you  ever,  constant, 
I  shall  cherish  you  and  hold. 

Since  then  life  to  me  is  splendor, 
For  my  dreams  of  you  were  blessed, 

When  your  love  for  me  you  sanctioned 
As  I  pressed  you  to  my  breast. 

All  my  joy  shall  be  eternal, 
When  I  love  you,  only  you, 

I  will  hold  you  now  and  ever, 

With  all  love  most  fond  and  true. 


33 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

THE  HOLDOVER. 

Friend  Galleger  was  a  bridgeman,  so  it  is  understood, 
He  rated  with  the  best,  his  foremanship  was  good ; 
And  liked  by  all  the  comrades,  as  he  freely  spent  hi* 

kale, 
So  come  you,   Brother   Bridgeman,   and   you   will   hear 

this  tale. 

It  was  on  a  Monday  morning,  the  sun  was  shining 
bright, 

And  Jim  was  trying  hard  to  think  what  happened  Sun 
day  night. 

There  came  hazy  recollections  of  a  fair  and  winsome 
blonde, 

And  a  myriad  of  cocktails,  and  wine  with  catchy  song. 

N 

His  nerves  were  loose  and  shaky,  and  bloodshot  was  his 

eye, 

He  chanced  into  a  nearby  shop  and  drank  a  jolt  of  rye. 
He  dug  into  his  jeans  to  pay,  but  found  that  he  was 

broke, 
And  lo!  he  found  a  paper,  and  this  is  what  she  wrote: 

"I  have  seen  most  all  the  boobs,  you  are  the  greenest 

yet, 

And  you  were  such  an  easy  rube,  you  are  too  dumb  to 

fret." 
He  soaked  his  pin  to  the  mixer  and  tried  real  hard  to 

laugh, 
Then  he  drank  another  whisky  to  cool  his  inward  wrath. 

Then  he  hurried  out  the  barroom,   as   it   was   time   to 

work, 

He  felt  a  trifle  nervous,  but  he  didn't  wish  to  shirk. 
And  as  he  tripped  across  the  beams  his  head  was  in  a 

whirl — 
He   thought  of  all  his  lady  friends,  but   he   could   not 

place  the  girl. 

34 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

He  was  pining  for  a  schooner,  and  he  longed  to  blow  the 

foam, 
But    madly  grabbed   the   rivet   gun   and   drove   a   rivet 

home. 
'Twas   then   the   heater   threw   one,   it   hurtled   through 

the  air, 
And  Jim,  he  reached  to  get  it,  but  rivet  wasn't  there. 

It  caught  him  on  the  forehead,  with  a  hissing,  scorching 

sound, 
And  then  he  lost  his  balance  and  fell  headlong  to  the 

ground. 

'Twas  seventy  feet  or  over,  and  he  landed  on  his  bean, 
His   clock   clanged   loud   6:30,   and   all   this   was   Jim's 

dream. 

It   was   really   Monday   morning,   the   sun   was  shining 

bright, 
His  kale  was  in  his  pocket,  and  his  heart  beat  high  and 

light. 
So  the  moral  of  this  lesson,  boys,  is  save  your  health 

and  gold — 
Youth  and  strength  we  have  not  ever,  the  future  we  are 

old. 


ENVY  NOT. 

Let  each  sunshine  of  a  morning 
Bring  you  light  of  honor's  might, 

Let  no  trouble  we  meet  daily 
Swerve  you  from  the  just  and  right. 

Envy  not  your  fellow  human, 
Grant  your  good  to  one  and  all, 

In  your  path  you'll  find  less  sorrow, 
And  you'll  drink  less  bitter  gall. 


35 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


SELF-ESTEEM. 

If  you  have  a  longing  yearning, 
To  reach  some  higher  goal, 

If  you  feel  desire  burning 
In  your  very  utmost  soul, 

You  can  have  whate'er  you're  craving, 
You  can  reach  the  heights  afar, 

Or  can  keep  right  on  a-slaving, 
And  remain  just  where  you  are. 

Just  cut  loose  and  give  ambition 

At  least  a  fighting  chance, 
Dispel  doubt  and  superstition, 

Command  courage  to  advance. 

Yes,  it  takes  some  self-denial, 
And  a  lot  of  steel-bound  nerve, 

To  face  each  separate  trial, 

Nor  from  your  purpose  swerve. 

Get  and  cultivate  the  habit 

Of  the  smile  that's  on  to  stay — 

When  the  chance  is  offered,  grab  it, 
And  keep  on  your  upward  way. 

If  you  see  some  fellow  falling, 
And  fear  you,  too,  may  slip, 

Though  your  doubts  may  be  appalling, 
Stick  and  hold  with  iron  grip. 

Self-esteem  brings  elevation, 

Matters  not  what  you  have  been, 

Use  your  vim  and  concentration, 
And  whate'er  you  want  you'll  win. 


36 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

SOCIAL. 

There  is  nought  more  worthy  of  mention, 
Or  nought  more  costly  or  best, 

Than  a  social  good  time  with  your  neighbor, 
When  the  cups  are  flowing  with  jest. 

When  the  other  will  spring  a  good  story, 
Then  your  laughter  is  bulging  with  zeal , 

But  oh !  what  a  head  in  the  morning ! 
And  oh !  how  rotten  you  feel. 

And  when  you  have  taken  the  ice  cure, 
When  you're  o'er  the  rough  of  the  gaff, 

If  you  figure  the  cost  of  the  venture, 
You  will  find  how  dear  is  the  laugh. 

SILENCE. 

When  you  chance  into  a  barroom, 
Where  the  drinks  are  foaming  high, 

Place  the  stopper  on  your  bazoo, 
For  he  who  talks  must  buy. 

When  your  cash  is  low  and  ebbing, 
And  your  friend  does  loudly  chin, 

Agree  with  him  on  every  subject, 
When  you  drink  his  beer  or  gin. 

Let  him  rave,  and  tell  his  story, 

Listen  to  his  untold  glory, 
Stand  the  test  if  you  are  dry, 

Let  him  talk  if  he  will  buy. 

ANGER. 

After  an  outburst  of  anger  has  fled, 
After  those  bitter  words  were  said, 
Be  just  to  the  other,  and  reason  it  out, 
If  you  were  to  blame,  don't  figure  the  doubt. 
37 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

TROUBLE. 

While  I  was  at  the  country  store  an  auto  car  hove  up, 
All  covered  o'er  with  mountain  dust  from  out  the  rocky 

cut. 

The  driver  wore  a  look  of  gloom  and  asked  for  gasolene, 
And  grumbled  out  a  tale  of  woe  of  parts  he  had  to  clean. 

Down  the  road  a  mile  or  two  the  engines  sizzled  scat, 
The    magneto    wouldn't    flicker,    when    the    front    tire 

busted  flat. 
The  crank   shaft  went   contrary,   and   he   lost   the   rear 

wheel,  too, 
And  when  he  reached  the  country  store  we  heard  about 

the  stew. 

Well,  auto  cars  are  nice  to  have,  and  ride  and  gad  about, 
But  the  horse  is  different  color  when  the  gasoline  is 

out, 
And  you're  forty  miles  from  nowhere,  and  it's  up  to  you 

to  hike, 
Tis  then  your  sentiment  is  high,  and  all  machines  you 

like. 

When  I  was  at  the  country  store  Abe  Skinner's  team 

hove  in, 
And  Abe  was  smiling  on  the  face,  and  cheerful  was  his 

grin. 
He  talked  of  all  the  home  folks,  he  was  satisfied  with 

life, 
To  hitch  his  team  up  to  the  post,  and  have  no  engine 

strife. 

But  after  Abe  had  chinned  awhile  he  has  his  troubles, 

too, 

A  wheel  to  fix,  the  team  to  shoe,  and  other  things  to  do. 
Then  he  flittered  in  a  frenzy  from  out  the  country  store 
To  tell  the  village  wagon  smith  his  troubles  were  a 

score. 

38 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

There  is  moral  in  the  logic,  laugh  last,  which  is  the  best, 
As  everyone  has  trouble,  your  smile  will  stand  the  test, 
For  he  who  owns  the  auto  car,  oftime  the  tank  goes  dry, 
And  he  who  owns  a  team  of  skates,  the  dern  things 
often  die. 


BE  A  MAN. 

When  misfortune  lands  you  hard, 
Be  you  rich,  or  poor,  or  bard, 
Keep  your  nerve  and  face  it  bold, 
Straighten  up  and  let  'er  roll, 
Face  the  music  as  it  stands, 
Smile  and  bear  it  like  a  man. 

When  your  luck  is  running  rough, 
And  the  pickings  kinder  tough, 
Stand  the  test  of  life's  old  guff; 
Do  not  cringe,  and  say  enough, 
Throw  your  nerve  against  the  wheel, 
Be  a  man,  and  do  not  squeal. 

When  you  owe  a  bill  or  two, 
Don't  let  trifles  worry  you ; 
Drop  around  and  say  Hello; 
If  you  wail,  or  show  a  streak, 
They  will  damn  you,  so  to  speak. 
Hold  your  head  up,  straight  and  high, 
Be  a  man  and  game  to  try. 


39 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

LOVE'S  LETTER. 

How,  dear  one,  I  long  to  love  you, 
And  to  press  you  to  my  breast, 

And  to  love  with  all  affection, 
With  a  tender,  fond  caress. 

As  your  wealth  of  golden  sunshine, 
And  your  smile,  I  love  most  dear, 

Thrills  my  soul  with  all  devotion, 
And  I  wish  you  ever  near. 

I  shall  wait  with  lover's  patience, 
With  a  love  most  kind  and  true, 

Until  future  grants  all  blessing, 
To  love,  dear  one,  just  you. 

Time  cannot  change  my  devotion, 

True  love  can  never  die, 
When  hearts  beat  full  in  rapture, 

Each  throb  does  bind  and  tie. 

'Tis  when  we  meet  as  equal, 
On  plane  of  human  love, 

Love's  spark  is  bright  with  hope, 
As  stars  that  shine  above. 

'Tis  love's  own  pure  devotion 
Which  brings  us  joyful  bliss, 

And  binds  forever  heart  and  soul, 
When  strengthened  with  a  kiss. 

AFTER  ALL. 

In  life  we  love,  we  strive 
To  do  which  we  think  best, 

And  after  all,  of  love,  and  life, 
We  pass  to  doubtful  rest. 


40 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

JOY. 

Don't  you  like  to  meet  a  fellow 

When  you're  feelin'  kinder  blue, 
Who  gives  and  shouts  a  howdy, 

Hello,  Bill,  and  how  are  you? 
And  he  says  you're  fine  and  dandy, 

And  he's  glad  you're  feelin'  well, 
Then  you  also  smile  with  gladness, 

Though  before  you  felt  like  hell. 

AND  GLOOM. 

But  when  you  meet  a  fellow 

Who's  Hello  is  a  wail, 
And  he  tells  you  all  the  gloomy, 

And  you're  looking  kinder  pale, 
'Tis  then  you  have  an  aching 

To  tell  this  kind  to  blow 
To  the  land  of  fiddler's  harmony, 

Where  snowballs  have  no  show. 

CHEERFULNESS. 

All  cheerful  thought  is  ever  best 
'Twill  add  to  all  life's  pleasure, 

It  comforts  sick  and  dreary  souls, 
And  gives  each  woe  a  treasure. 

Practice,  cultivate  and  build 
A  cheerful,  smiling  nature; 

In  all  you  do  and  all  you  say, 
Speak  kind,  your  nomen-clature. 

Happy,  cheerful  thought  is  best 

To  hold  and  not  forget. 
The  way  to  do  is  ever  try, 

Don't  worry,  and  don't  fret. 


41 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

NATURE. 

How  quiet  and  serene  we  find  the  country  life, 
Away  from  all  congestion  of  the  city's  daily  strife ; 
Where  all  nature  smiles  its  glory  in  a  friendly  sort  of 

way — 
To  the  country  and  to  nature  is  the  call  we  should  obey. 

The  stock  is  in  the  meadow  a-grazing  loose  and  free, 
And   all   life   here   in   the   country   seems   contented    as 

can  be. 
With  the  balmy  evening  breezes  in  the  autumn  and  the 

fall, 
In    the    country    we    find    nature    and    the    best    place 

after  all. 

The  chickens  here  are  tranquil,  and  know  all  nature's 

law 

Of  scratching  for  the  wily  worm  to  satisfy  the  craw. 
But  often  you  find  people  who  are  hunting  all  the  time 
To  get  the  worm  for  nothing  and  won't  loosen  on  a  dime. 

When  the  evening  sun  has  settled  on  the  fields  of  har 
vest  ripe, 

And  our  peaceful  day  has  ended  when  comes  the  mask 
of  night, 

We  don't  scamper  to  the  picture  shows,  and  rush  back 
home  again, 

But  we  spend  a  restful  evening,  just  as  nature  did  in 
tend. 

Mother  Nature  is  most  generous  to  those  who  will  obey, 
But  the  city  folks  seem  heedless  to  what  she  has  to  say. 
They    always    look    for    something,    and    nothing    will 

return — 
In  the  country  Nature  speaks,  to  scratch  and  get  the 

worm. 


42 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

A  KINDLY  DEED. 

It's  the  little  acts  of  kindness 

Which  make  our  life  worth  while, 
And  little  acts  of  mercy 

In  every  form  or  style. 
'Tis  ever  best  and  pleasing  way, 

'Twill  gladden  you  and  I 
To  spread  a  ray  of  sunshine 

In  life  as  we  chance  by. 

THE  DAY  OF  REST. 

'Tis  Sunday,  let  beautiful  thought 
Rejoice  and  love  which  is  brought, 
Let  comfort  and  peace  rule  serene, 
And  thank  Him  whose  law  is  supreme. 

The  bell  in  the  old  tower  rings, 
Let  us  heed  the  symbol  it  brings ; 
Let  men  and  beast  alike  be  blessed, 
This  day  of  peace,  of  life  and  rest. 

A  WEDDING  DAY  TRIBULATION. 

Two  hearts  were  tied  as  one  today, 
And  wedding  bells  did  ring,  they  say, 
But  alas !  'twas  sad  when  happy  groom 
Must  work  or  starve  on  wedding  noon. 

We  wish  them  well  in  future  life, 
A  thousand  fold  less  woe  and  strife, 
And  future  bring  all  joy  and  bliss 
To  heal  the  lovers'  thrill  they  missed. 

Young  lovers  now  must  think  'tis  best 
To  snug  a  feather  in  the  nest  ; 
Thus  mates  may  take  a  happy  flight 
To  realms  sublime  on  wedding  night. 
[Author's   Note — Groom's   duties   called   him   at   10  o'clock, 
after  an  8  o'clock  ceremony.] 

43 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


HIS  PHANTASM. 

Upon  a  mountain's  lofty  crest, 
Gazing  out  into  the  glowing  West, 
Where  the  sun  has  slowly  sunk  to  rest, 
Stands  an  Indian,  mute  and  still. 

He  does  not  see  yon  mountain  range, 
Or  the  evening  shadows  shift  and  change. 
He  sees  a  sight  that  is  far  more  strange, 
And  that  brings  to  his  heart  a  thrill. 

For  there  in  the  sunset's  golden  glow 
Are  phantoms  of  days  of  long  ago, 
The  years  fade  out  as  melting  snow, 
And  he  is  a  child  again. 

He  sees  his  painted  warrior  band 
Ready  to  strike  at  his  command, 
Once  more  he  is  master  of  the  land, 
Master  of  hill  and  plain. 

Wafted  upon  the  evening  air, 
He  hears  a  sound  that  is  far  more  rare 
Than  songs  of  the  Indian  maidens  fair, 
'Tis  the  warriors'  scalping  song. 

He  sees  the  white  man's  wagon  train, 
Broken  and  burned  upon  the  plain. 
He  sees  the  white  man  scalped  and  slain, 
But  feels  he  has  done  no  wrong. 

But  now  in  his  visions  the  soldiers  come, 
He  hears  the  bullets'  deadly  hum, 
He  hears  the  bugle  and  the  drum, 
But  he  scorns  the  white  man  still. 


44 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

Mounted  on  ponies  desert  bred, 
With  arrows  draw  to  the  sharp  fllint  head, 
His  braves  ride  out  to  meet  the  lead, 
With  war  cry  loud  and  shrill. 

But  oh !  those  volleys  of  rifle  ball, 
He  sees  his  bravest  warriors  fall, 
And  his  cup  is  filled  with  bitter  gall, 
He  has  fought  a  loosing  fight. 

He  sees  the  remnants  of  his  race, 
Crowded  together  in  meager  space, 
He  sees  his  women  in  disgrace, 
But  the  white  man's  might  is  right. 

Slowly  the  light  fades  from  the  skies 
And  as  it  fades  his  phantom  dies, 
A  new  light  comes  to  his  wan,  worn  eyes, 
Life  is  not,  worth  living  now. 

Over  his  being  there  comes  a  chill, 
His  worn  heart  flutters  and  then  stand  still, 
But  into  his  soul  there  comes  a  thrill, 
He  has  gone  to  the  grand  pow-wow. 


LIVE  NOW. 

Rejoice  each  moment  of  life, 
As  life  is  all  we  possess, 
And  live  at  this  time, 
Let  joy  be  thine, 
Today  is  ever  the  best. 


45 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

LEND  A  HAND. 

Let  us  help  a  bit  the  other 

As  we  live  from  day  to  day, 
All  have  tons  of  tribulations, 

None  are  barred  from  trouble's  sway. 

Often  times  in  each  life's  pathway, 
Misfortune  comes  to  one  and  all, 

And  each  cup  is  overflowing 
With  life's  bitter  brew  of  gall. 

Let  us  help  and  comfort  others 

As  we  pass  along  life's  path, 
We  can  ne'er  tell  the  moment 

Fortune's  smile  will  turn  to  wrath. 

MANAGE  RIGHT. 

An  aged  man  I  chanced  to  meet, 

And  thus  he  did  recite, 

I  will  tell  you,  Son, 

All  life  is  fun, 

If  you  will  manage  right. 

I  found  this  true  in  every  way, 
All  which  we  do  or  say, 
To  think  and  smile, 
When   we  are  riled, 
And  life  will  spell  O.  K. 

SMILE  AND  GRIN. 

A  smile  and  a  grin, 
Will  help  you  to  win, 
In  all  you  do  or  say, 
So  cultivate  the  smile, 
It  is  ever  worth  while, 
And  a  grin  does  ever  pay. 

46 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


IN   THE   PARK. 

I  view  once  again,  dear, 

The  pleasant  cozy  bower, 
Where  you  and  I  in  days  gone  by, 

Have  passed  a  blissful  hour. 
In  the  shadows  of  the  moon, 

We  loved,  and  kissed,  and  spooned, 
And  I  hope  you  still  remember 

Those  balmy  days  of  June. 

The  time  is  not  forgotten, 

We  know  and  understand, 
How  you  sadly  said  nay,  nay, 

When  I  asked  you  for  your  hand. 
I  spoke  in  heroic  fashion, 

And  swore  I  would  be  true, 
And  all  the  world  I'd  win 

And  give  to  you,  just  you. 

Father  Time  has  changed  my  sorrow, 

The  stars  shine  bright  above, 
And  I  'neath  the  cozy  bower 

With  another  turtle  dove. 
I  have  asked  in  heroic  fashion, 

In  the  soft,  endearing  tune, 
And  she  said  nay,  nay,  quite  sweetly, 

The  same  as  you  last  June. 


47 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 


LIFE'S  WEALTH. 

Your  mother,  who  nursed  you  and  loves  you, 
Who  suffered  and  brought  you  to  light, 

Let  us  glory,  we  love  and  adore  her 
With  a  love  most  noble  and  bright. 

Our  sunshine  of  God  and  all  nature 
Smiles  ever  and  beckons  to  you, 

With  all  wealth  of  tidings  most  blessing 
Life,  "alone,"  is  wealth  we  pass  through. 

Most  blessed  is  each  daily  pleasure, 

Our  breath  of  the  air  which  we  breathe, 

All  glory  is  yours  for  the  taking, 
So  live  and  love  ere  we  leave. 

Dispel  your  idea,  dear  neighbor, 

That  money  will  buy  you  all  things ; 

It  is  only  a  borrowed  convenience, 
And  often  much  trouble  will  bring. 

Greed  is  most  deadly  and  damned, 

And  sinful  are  passions  of  lust, 
Oh,  brother,  why  are  you  so  hasty 

To  transform  your  all  back  to  dust? 


43 


Life,  Logic  and  Laughter 

EQUALITY. 

The  poet,  the  prince,  the  duke,  the  peer, 
All  are  equal  in  trouble  here ; 
For  through  this  life  all  drink  the  gall, 
And  Death  is  sure,  and  each  will  call. 


FADED  COAT. 

Many  a  throb  and  beat 

Of  heart,  true  and  sincere, 
And  many  a  love  of  kindliness 

Lies  hid  'neath  faded  gear. 

Judge  not  a  fellow  human, 

Where  you  view  his  ragged  coat, 
You  may  not  know  what  good  there  is 
Inside  his  soul  is  wrote. 


MORAL? 

The  early  bird  has  better  chance 

To  snare  an  early  worm 

'Tis  so,  with  you  and  I 

And  if  early  we  rise 

We  may  be  surprised 

If  we  get  out  and  try. 

The  early  birds  must  hustle 
And  clever  bird  must  be 
To  flee  the  roost 
And  cut  right  loose 
And  scratch  and  dig  to  see. 


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